Hard Leather Couch
by London1
Summary: movie...Beetlejuice has to wait in the waiting room...but you can't expect him to just wait for his number to come up. Set around Christmas. CHAP 8 IS UP! UPDATED. R
1. Waiting

Hard Leather Couch

By London

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Duh.

Chapter 1: Waiting

Music filtered through the speakers, coming out with a tinny sound, into the waiting room. Beetlejuice grumbled to himself and once again checked his number. It was long enough that he didn't want to even try to say it out loud. He shifted on the leather couch and inwardly cringed at the way it creaked.

He glanced up at the digital counter that sported the ticket number of the next person being helped in big red numbers. It dinged and changed to 307,483. Beetlejuice groaned and looked around. Someone in this stupid waiting room had to be interesting. When he first entered there had been some hot ghoul who smacked him. Bitch. Not like he was going to do much other then touch her leg. He had also gotten his head shrunk by some lame, non-speaking witch doctor, but with a snap it was back to its original size.

Beetlejuice stood up and went over to the counter. He pounded on the fiberglass pane until it crashed open.

"What do you want?" Miss Argentina asked. Her blue face was nothing but a scowl.

"What the hell is taking so long?" Beetlejuice asked. Miss Argentina rolled her eyes and made to shut the sliding pane, but Beetlejuice caught it, stopping it.

"Let go of the window" Miss Argentina said. She had already had half a dozen verbal arguments with him.

"No" Beetlejuice said. "I want to talk to someone. Now."

"Give it a rest you jerk" Miss Argentina growled. "You have to wait until your number is called." She struggled with the window. Beetlejuice looked as if she wasn't putting up any kind of fight. "Let go!"

"Give me a new number" Beetlejuice said. "I'll leave you alone if I get a ticket with a lower number."

Miss Argentina put her full weight into the sliding pane, but it didn't even budge. She cursed, or at least Beetlejuice guessed that she was cursing, and pulled a piece of paper out from a drawer.

"If I give you this, then I expect no more problems from you" Miss Argentina said.

"Sure" Beetlejuice said. He took the number from her and she slid the door shut, nearly catching his hand in the process. Beetlejuice cackled and turned to the rest of the waiting room. No one even seemed to care. He looked at the number in his hands. It was still in the millions, but closer to the number that was on the digital display. "Shit."

Beetlejuice walked over to the leather couch and plopped himself back down. The couch was uncomfortable and hard.

"You'd think that they'd give us a better couch" Beetlejuice scoffed to no one in particular. Beside him was a thin man in a chef's uniform. His skin was a greenish-grey color and he had a knife sticking out of his chest. "You a chef?"

"I was" The man answered. He had his arms crossed and sported an unhappy look on his face. Beetlejuice turned towards him.

"Are ya haunting a restaurant?" Beetlejuice asked. The man grumbled and raised an eyebrow to him. "What? My pits stink or something?"

"I don't want to talk with you" The chef said turning away from Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice growled and faced forward. He let his legs stretch out as he slouched. He had already read the reading material, silently and aloud.

Beetlejuice was beside himself. He had no idea how much time had passed, but he was the only one left in the waiting room. He had kicked his feet up on the couch and laid down. If only there was some whiskey, he thought. He had been singing off key.

"…From your head down to your OW! Scream until you like it!" Beetlejuice belted out. "Scream until you like it!"

The window at the front desk slid open and a woman with half of a head poked half of her body out.

"Will you PLEASE BE QUIET?!" She screamed. Beetlejuice looked at her with a smirk.

"I guess you liked it, huh?" Beetlejuice commented. He chuckled and stood up. He swaggered over to the lady, who was quite the looker, until you saw her profile. "Babes, look. This is how it is." He held up his number. "I need to be processed. I'm going nuts in here."

"You'll have to wait for your number to be called" The lady said. Her name tag said 'Sue'. She tried to shut the window on him, but he caught it.

"There ain't no one in here" Beetlejuice growled. Sue looked at him as if he was lying. "I used to fuckin' work here! Christ! I know how it goes! There's always someone free back there!"

"Your bad language is not going to help you" Sue said. "Please remove your hand from the window."

"Make me" Beetlejuice growled. Sue tried to move his hand, but he didn't move. The more she tried the more frantic her efforts became. "Look, Sue, we're up to 746,003. Can't you make my number the next one called?"

"That's against the rules" Sue said trying to push the window shut.

"Look you half-wit" Beetlejuice smirked at that. "I've got places to haunt, people to kill, you know how it goes. I need out, toots."

"You're just going to have to---" Sue said. Beetlejuice was through the window in a second. "Hey!"

"Piss off" Beetlejuice said. He pushed open the door and turned back to Sue. He flicked his finger toward the girl and was amused when all of her writing tools got up and walked away.

"My pens!" Sue screeched. Beetlejuice walked out of the office and into the cluster of paper and desks. Things hadn't changed. The dead still did paperwork in a mechanical-like fashion.

Beetlejuice saw the ghoul he was looking for. She was a purple-skinned, black-haired girl who had obviously died in the 1940s. He snuck up behind her and quickly pulled her chair back. He was rewarded with a loud shriek. Beetlejuice cackled.

"BJ?" The girl said. Her face, which had looked angry, softened as she stood up. "What are you doing here?" She grabbed his red tux coat and pulled him down so he wouldn't be seen by anyone else. She sat on her chair. "Juno has been on the warpath because of you."

"Fuck her" Beetlejuice said. "So what have you been up to, Ruth?" He gave her a full fledged smile. "You almost out of here?"

"You know I was sentenced to four hundred years as a civil servant" Ruth replied. She smiled at him and gave him a quick hug. "What kind of trouble did you get into?"

"I didn't do nothing bad" Beetlejuice said. "I just did as I was asked. I made a deal and I kept my end of the bargain."

"Is that the marriage thing I heard about?" Ruth asked. She went back to filling out a form. Beetlejuice ran a hand up her leg. Ruth gasped and slapped it away. "BJ."

"What?" Beetlejuice asked. "Look, that marriage thing was just a sham to be free. Didn't mean anything to me."

"Great" Ruth said sarcastically. "That's a perfect way to start any kind of relationship."

"I need to get out of here, Ruthy. I need to go back and fix some stuff, starting with a particular girl" Beetlejuice said. He looked around. No one seemed to care that he was there. "I need to know which door I should take."

"Why don't you just try them all?" Ruth asked.

"Do you know how many doors there are?" Beetlejuice asked. Ruth sighed and flipped through a six-inch stack of papers. After a few minutes she stopped.

"Right now it's door 254" Ruth said. "Left side."

"Great" Beetlejuice said. He stood up and planted a kiss on Ruth's temple. "Thanks, toots."

"You're welcome" Ruth said. She seemed overly consumed by her work. "I'm busy you know."

"Ruth, here's a tip" Beetlejuice whispered. "At some point, stand up and leave through one of these doors. You won't be stuck here if you just leave."

"I can't just leave" Ruth said. "That's preposterous!"

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes. He knew what civil servants had to do. If they just left, then their sentence would be up due to a show of will power. Most became so consumed by their work that they couldn't leave. Beetlejuice walked away from Ruth and ran to the hall of doors.

Door 254, on the left side, was a red padded door. Beetlejuice strolled through and found himself in a house with a cottage feel. He looked around, confused. He was supposed to be at the Deetz'. He walked out to the middle of the foyer and glanced around. It looked similar, but only in structure.

"Delia!" Charles yelled from upstairs. Beetlejuice watched as the man appeared and started to come down the stairs. "Delia! Let's get going! The party has already started!"

Beetlejuice watched as Charles passed right by him, heading for the kitchen. He smirked. This was definitely the place.


	2. Seven Years

Chapter 2: Seven Years

It only took Beetlejuice a few minutes to find Lydia's room. There were digital cameras, 35mm cameras, odd shaped cameras, film, tape, expensive camcorders, and all kinds of film and video equipment scattered about the room. There were pictures on her wall of nature scenes and of nudes.

Beetlejuice took a few minutes to appreciate it. She had kept the purple and green paint that Delia had attacked it with. Wonder how that went over with those bumpkins, Beetlejuice thought. He shrugged and pulled a bucket out of nowhere.

"Time to redecorate" Beetlejuice said to himself. He stuck his hand into the thick red liquid and proceeded to make a mess of Lydia's room.

From where Beetlejuice was standing, near his closet in his filthy apartment in the Neitherworld, Lydia's room looked like a complete disaster. Blood covered the walls. He had managed to scrape off some of the paint from the walls. He even left the balcony doors open so her drapes fluttered in a ghostly manner.

Beetlejuice had a beer open and was peeling off his red tux. He never wanted to see it again. Standing naked in front of his open closet he sipped his beer and pulled out his old ratty robe. He couldn't help but feel a connection with the robe. He pulled it on and tied it shut.

"Oh my god!" Lydia said from his mirror. Beetlejuice hovered over to the mirror to watch. She looked older. Wide-eyed, open mouthed, and older. She touched the wall and made a face when her hand came back red. "Ew."

"Lydia!" A small boy said in a demanding tone. Beetlejuice furrowed his brow at the small red-headed boy, who looked pissed. "Mommy said that you're supposed to read to me."

"Evan, I already read you three books tonight" Lydia said. The boy had no idea that Lydia's room was covered in blood. Beetlejuice cackled when he realized it. The cackle made Lydia jump.

"What's wrong with you?" Evan asked. He had a death grip on a strange clown doll that Delia had given him. Lydia tried to look normal. Itching to do something, anything but read Evan another story, she put her long black hair up into a bun. "I want you to read to me!"

"Evan!" Lydia snapped. "Get to bed. Now."

"No! I want you to read to me" Evan whined. He was almost red in the face. Beetlejuice could barely hold back the laughter as he watched Lydia deal with the little tyke.

"Fine. Here" Lydia snatched a small pea green book from her shelf. It had minimal blood on it, not that Evan could see it. "We'll read 'The Epiplectic Bicycle'. How about that?"

"No!" Evan howled. Lydia rolled her eyes as Evan went into one of his little fits that had him screaming and rolling on the floor. Lydia stretched her neck and put her book down. Evan's fits happened every time that Lydia had to watch him. Lydia grabbed his foot and dragged him into the hallway. It only enraged him further. Lydia shut her door and winced as the screaming became shriller.

"I can't believe he had a child with that woman" Lydia groaned. She moved back to the middle of her room. The blood was still there. It hadn't been her imagination. A message on the wall simply read 'I Do'. "What the hell does that mean?"

Lydia, who was now finishing up her last year at film school, was a whopping twenty-three years old. In the time that had past since Beetlejuice had tried to marry her, she had grown her hair out to her back, Delia and her father had had a demon child named Evan, and Lydia had moved from photography to film.

Lydia sat down on her bed. The Maitlands were upstairs, probably. No one, except Lydia, ever saw them now. Lydia had heard her father and Delia commenting on the ghosts, both figuring that they had just 'moved on'.

"They wouldn't do this" Lydia said. The cackling that she had heard earlier replayed itself in her mind. She knew who sounded like that. How could she forget? It couldn't be him, could it? "BJ?" Over time with the Maitlands, they had called him BJ out of fear that he'd come back. "Beetle? You there?"

Beetlejuice watched with interest from the mirror. She remembered him and she had given him nicknames. He grinned and couldn't help feeling devious. With a snap he was in her room, small, like when he was in the model, and was on her desk. He watched her wait.

"Hey babes" Beetlejuice said. Lydia got up from her bed and moved to sit at her desk. She grimaced when she saw that he was only in his robe. He still looked gross and grimy. She was glad that she didn't have any paper cuts or anything that could get infected.

"I thought it was you" Lydia said. "Don't you ever bathe?"

"That's how you fuckin' greet someone you haven't seen in years?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia just raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Enjoy your mess."

"Wait" Lydia said. It was Christmas break. Winter River was fine if you were old or if you were a Boy Scout, but Lydia was desperate for company that wasn't her brother. Beetlejuice turned and looked hurt. "Sorry. What have you been doing? It's been seven years you know."

"Seven years" Beetlejuice chewed. He sat down on a stack of mini-dv tapes. "I've been stuck in a waiting room." He looked at his nails and brought his feet up to rest on the edge of the tapes. He leaned forward and propped his arms on his knees. "You've been growing up, I see."

"Yeah, I'm almost done with college" Lydia tried not to look at him. Since he was only in a robe, his lower parts and pieces were somewhat hanging out. "Could you not sit like that, or put on some clothes, or something?"

"Never seen a man's nether-regions before?" Beetlejuice asked. He moved to sit more normally.

"I have, but that's not the point" Lydia said. "I just don't want to see yours."

"Whatever" Beetlejuice said. "So, give me the skinny, babes. Is that Delia's kid?"

"Unfortunately" Lydia said. "He's six."

"Seems like a little bastard" Beetlejuice said. In the back of his mind he was kicking himself. He was supposed to be getting Lydia back for sending him to that hellish waiting room. What was he doing making small talk?

"He is" Lydia said. She leaned back in her chair and looked up at the bloody walls. "Why'd you do this to my walls?"

Beetlejuice shrugged and stood up.

"Why don't we make a deal?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia's face turned into one of scrutiny and curiosity. "I'll clean this shit up and won't do it again, but you've gotta pull through on your side of the last deal we had."

"You can't still want that" Lydia said. "I'd never marry you—"

"Lydia!" Evan screamed from the other side of her door. He kicked it repeatedly.

"Evan, knock it off!" Lydia yelled. Beetlejuice narrowed his eyes at the door. He grinned and disappeared. Lydia looked around nervously. "BJ?"

From the hallway Evan screamed out of fear. There was a strong difference from his scream and the tantrum he had been having. Lydia was up and out the door quickly.

Evan was backing up to his bedroom. Beetlejuice was full-sized and had the clown doll in his hands.

"Mr. Clown!" Evan shrieked. "Lydia!"

"Evan, when I tell you to go to bed, you better do it" Lydia remarked. She walked towards Beetlejuice and yanked the doll from him. "Give me that." She tossed the doll to Evan, who dropped it like it was on fire. "Get to bed. Now."

Evan ran into his room, which was the overly large guest room that was next to her parent's room. Beetlejuice let loose the cackle that he had been holding back. Lydia turned to him and punched him in the shoulder.

"Don't be a jerk" Lydia said. She walked past him, back to her room and stopped. Beetlejuice watched her with a smirk. Her back stiffened and she slowly turned to him. "Who…? How'd you become big, I mean, normal sized?"

"Well, babes" Beetlejuice said walking towards her. He threw an arm over her shoulder and ushered her back into her room. "That's my secret." He circled her, a predatory action, and noticed that he stood a good three inches taller then her. "Now, let's talk about that deal."

Lydia slowly walked over to her closet with Beetlejuice slowly following her.

"What're you doing?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia reached in and pulled out a black metal rod. It was for the shotgun microphone that she used for her films. Beetlejuice chuckled. "You think that's going to stop me?"

"No" Lydia said. She immediately hit the ceiling with the rod several times. "It'll get some attention though."

Beetlejuice tackled her and took the rod from her. He tossed it across the room and covered Lydia with himself so she wasn't flailing about. He covered her mouth to block her screams.

"While I love this position with you babes, I ain't gonna do anything to you" Beetlejuice said. The wooden floor outside of Lydia's room creaked and the door knob turned. Beetlejuice grinned and planted a grimy kiss on Lydia's lips before disappearing.

"Lydia?" Barbara called out. Adam came in first, followed by Barbara.

"I'm fine" Lydia said. Adam helped her up.

"What happened?" Barbara asked. Lydia brushed herself off.

"He's back" Lydia said.

"Who is?" Adam asked.

"BJ" Lydia replied. Barbara's hand touched her mouth in worry. Adam gaze glazed over in thought. "You just missed him."


	3. Party Player

AUTHORS NOTE: I'm sure someone is wondering about the song that I had Beetlejuice singing or the book that Lydia offered to read to her brother. The song was "Scream Until You Like It" by Wasp. The book is "The Epiplectic Bicycle" by Edward Gorey.

------

Chapter 3: Party Player

Beetlejuice had watched the Deetz' house through the night and was now fixing himself a pot of black sludge that he called coffee. Evan, the whelp, looked a lot of Delia. He woke up in the night and didn't seem to notice that his clown was hovering in the air. Lydia had worked with Adam and Barbara to clean up the bloody walls. Beetlejuice had watched as Adam and Barbara had wandered the house after everyone was asleep. Charles and Delia hadn't even seen them when they had come back from their party.

Beetlejuice poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at his table. He didn't require sleep, but he did require a period of time where he was still, a sort of energy collection time. He had fixed his mirror to hang over his coffin bed so he could watch it as he was still.

Somewhere in his brain a voice told him that he should shower. Sneak over to the Deetz' and shower because Lydia thought he was disgusting. He mentally punched that voice. Lydia, he growled. He had to try again. Make her more pliable.

A beetle crossed the table and his hand immediately came down on it. He picked it up and watched it squirm around.

"What makes girls more pliable?" Beetlejuice asked the bug before popping it into his mouth. He chewed the beetle and immediately thought that girls usually don't eat bugs. He washed the insect down with a mouthful of coffee.

Lydia walked into the Christmas splattered kitchen. She was wearing black pants, her worn leather black boots, a red sweater and a black wool trench coat. She pulled off her gloves and set her smaller video camera down on the table. Someone had made a new pot of coffee and had torn down a handful of paper stars in the process.

Lydia poured herself a cup and fingered through the paper that was on the table. Her father came into the kitchen in his pajamas and robe.

"Good morning, honey" Charles said refilling his cup. "I can't believe that you're up. You know you're on vacation time, right?"

"Yeah" Lydia said. The headlines weren't very thrilling. "I just had to get some b-roll for a project."

"Alright" Charles said without any clue as to what b-roll was. He sipped his coffee with a smile. Lydia slid her coat off and went to hang it up when Delia stepped into the kitchen.

"Morning, dear" Charles said. His grin was still on his face even as he moved slightly to hide the torn stars. Delia looked annoyed.

"Charles" She said. She glared at Lydia. "Lydia, why is Evan acting so strangely?"

"I don't know" Lydia replied trying to look oblivious to the previous night. Delia moved over to the table.

"He's saying that Mr. Clown was floating around last night and that you were acting oddly" Delia replied. "He also said that you wouldn't read to him."

Lydia looked up and moved; sitting down while protesting would give Delia the idea that she had the upper hand, so Lydia made toast.

"First off, I read him three stories" Lydia said. "Secondly, Mr. Clown is a doll and if the doll was floating then Evan must have been seeing things."

"If we catch you doing any witchcraft in this house—" Delia started.

"Oh Delia" Charles said. "Witchcraft. Really." He rarely came to his daughter's rescue and it made Lydia smirk. "Evan had so much sugar last night before we left that he was probably hallucinating."

"Do you not remember the time when Lydia turned the railing into a giant snake that dropped you from the top of the stairs?" Delia asked. Lydia groaned and forced her toast out of the toaster. She buttered the barely toasted bread violently. Delia had convinced herself that Lydia had simply used witchcraft for the whole Beetlejuice incident seven years prior.

Charles' grin dropped from his face.

"I don't know any magic" Lydia said. Delia nodded and signaled that the argument was over by getting a cup of coffee.

"What happened to my stars?" Delia asked. Charles looked up at the ceiling. Lydia left the kitchen and ate her toast as she went up to her room with her things. Delia could be so strange sometimes.

Beetlejuice toiled around with the idea of cleaning, not himself, but his apartment. He had stacks of newspaper, beer bottles, insects, and just a bunch of stuff lying around. He was fine with the mess. It was his mess. But, a mess wouldn't make Lydia more pliable, his mind reasoned.

He grumbled and started to…clean.

By the late afternoon, Lydia still had no answers about why or how Beetlejuice was back. Barbara suggested that someone else had said his name. Adam kept insisting that there had to be something in the book.

Lydia had retired to her room. She had thrown an old movie into her television while she did some paper work for school.

"Lydia" Delia sang and she knocked on Lydia's door. "Are you getting ready? We have that dinner party tonight."

Lydia groaned and went to her door.

"Delia, do I have to go?" Lydia asked. She leaned her head on her door. She was twenty-three, couldn't she just stay home?

"Lydia, I don't ask for many family events except at Christmas" Delia said with a smile. "I don't want to see you entirely in black. Last year you looked like you were going to a funeral. It's semi-formal, so wear a dress with heels. No combat boots. No raccoon make-up either. We're not clowns."

Delia walked to her bedroom and shut the door before Lydia could protest. Lydia rolled her eyes and shut her own door. Delia always wanted the rest of Winter River to think of them as one big happy family.

Lydia opened her closet and looked at what she had brought with her. In the way of fancy clothes for Christmas parties, she had a black cocktail dress, a retro red number, and a strange dress that she had never seen before. She pulled it out and hung it on the closet door to get a better look at it. There was no way that Delia had gotten this thing for her.

It was predominately black, but it had dark purple, green, and gold patches that gave it a very bohemian gypsy look. The dress was a fiasco of velvet, mesh, lace, and satin. Lydia looked for a tag in the dress, but only found a small white label that had her name printed on it.

"Strange" Lydia said. Her father must have gotten it for her. It was the only rational excuse that she could think of.

From her mirror Beetlejuice watched with a pleased smile on his face. He couldn't wait to see how she reacted to the Christmas party, which he planned on crashing.

The Christmas party was being held at the local Elks Lodge, which her father had joined in order to fit in with the country setting of Connecticut. Delia was in a strange looking red number and had denied knowing where Lydia's dress had come from. Charles was in a dark green suit, sported a tie that looked like a Christmas tree, and had a Santa hat on. Evan was in a suit similar to his fathers, but with a black tie on. Lydia groaned when she realized that everyone else seemed to be taking fashion hints from Delia.

"This place is awful" Lydia said under her breath. The Elks Lodge, while situated in a very large old mansion, was covered in cheesy Christmas decorations and handmade decorations from the local schools.

"Watch your brother Lydia" Delia said before moving with Charles towards a few other socialites from New York City. Lydia looked down at her brother and he narrowed his eyes back at her.

"C'mon, I bet there are some other kids around here for you to play with" Lydia said.

"I don't want to go with you" Evan said. Lydia let out a breath and felt a small headache form behind her forehead.

"If we don't find anyone in five minutes, you can go hang out with Delia" Lydia said. She left him without a chance to argue by grabbing his hand and taking him into a small parlor room.

The parlor room had a round table where six old ladies were playing cards. In the corner there were a small group of young kids playing with a variety of action figures and other toys. Evan immediately ripped himself away from Lydia and went to play with the kids. Lydia sighed. They were going to be here until the party was over.

Lydia wandered through the maze of rooms until she found the room that had been remodeled into the bar and pool room. Lydia watched as four men played a cutthroat game of pool.

"Can I get you something?" The bartender asked.

"Apple-tini" Lydia replied. The Christmas party at the lodge always had an open bar. Lydia was sure that it was the best thing about the party. Lydia kicked herself mentally. She should have brought a book to read. She could have smuggled it in a purse.

Lydia took the drink that was placed before her and sipped it. Lydia hoped that the eight-ball would bounce off the table and knock her out. If only, Lydia thought.

Beetlejuice looked at himself in his one and only mirror. He retched. He had decided that not only did his apartment need cleaning, but so did he.

"What the hell got into me?" Beetlejuice asked aloud. He was wearing his robe again. During his shower he had rid himself of the mold that covered a good portion of his body. His hair, after being washed and combed out, came to rest around his shoulders. His pasty skin was still white, but with a little juice that rosy living glow appeared.

Beetlejuice pulled out a clean black tux. This was going to be one hell of a night.

Lydia was on her third apple-tini when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned to find one of the pool players grinning ear to ear.

"I guess Santa really did know what I wanted for Christmas this year" The guy said. Here we go, Lydia sighed to herself.

"Get lost, Blotsworth" Lydia said turning back towards the bar. Ryan Blotsworth was a rich kid from New York. He had moved to Winter River with his folks when he was in high school. He had the poor reputation of sleeping around with a large handful of girls, specifically with his on again, off again girlfriend Claire Brewster. Ryan had been two grades ahead of Lydia and was now a lawyer who mainly dealt with divorce and child custody cases.

"C'mon, Lydia" Ryan said leaning in beside her. "Show some Christmas cheer. Let me buy you a drink."

"The drinks are free tonight" Lydia said. She looked around hoping to see someone that she could talk to, but frowned when three small boys, including her brother Evan, ran through the room with toy airplanes.

"It's almost six o'clock" Ryan said. "The band starts at six. I'll save you a dance."

"Great" Lydia said. She finished her apple-tini and stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom. Don't follow me."

Ryan stayed at the bar and watched Lydia leave the room.

Lydia found herself in the dining hall, which had once been two rooms, but after some extensive remodeling was one very long room. There was a buffet being set up. A large man carried a steaming ham from the kitchen. Others followed with other various items. Lydia wandered down the buffet and started to reach for a roll.

"Hey" A man said from behind her. "Shouldn't you wait for the others?"

Lydia turned. The voice was familiar, but not one that she was expecting at the Elks Lodge. The blonde man before her was strangely tan for it being the middle of winter. He wore a black tux with a red tie. His blonde hair was left to hang down around his shoulders, which seemed rebellious amongst the wealthy and conservative folks in Winter River. He also wore thick black framed glasses that had red lenses.

"Do I know you?" Lydia asked. She did know him, but she couldn't place him.

"Of course you do" The man said. She must know who I am, Beetlejuice thought. Lydia thought hard. The voice flowed in the same way that Beetlejuice's did, but this was a clean, rosy cheeked, living person…and the voice wasn't as gravelly.

"I must have forgotten your name" Lydia said. The man smiled at her. She really had no idea.

"I couldn't forget yours Lydia Deetz" Beetlejuice replied as suavely as he could. She looked fantastic in the dress he had stolen for her. Lydia had a worried look on her face. "I'm Ben Judge."

"Well it's nice to meet you again Ben Judge" Lydia said. She was sure that she had never seen the man before in her life, though they must have met somewhere since he knew her. Lydia turned to grab a roll and felt the strange man at her back.

"You look enchanting tonight" Beetlejuice whispered in her ear. Lydia jutted her elbow back and it landed right in Beetlejuice's ribs.

"Excuse me" Lydia said taking her roll with her to the next room.

"Damn. I thought all girls wanted this romantic bullshit laid on them" Beetlejuice said to himself. He followed Lydia into the next room, which was a large ballroom where Charles was in the middle of giving a speech.

"…And this Christmas all donations will go towards the funding of The Deetz School of Art & Design!" Charles announced. Beetlejuice feigned interest and moved stealthily through the crowd until he was next to Lydia, who looked appalled at the idea of The Deetz School of Art & Design.

"Sorry" Beetlejuice whispered to Lydia. "I thought girls liked that kind of shit."

"I don't appreciate it" Lydia whispered back. "And, I don't remember meeting you."

Lydia moved through the crowd with Beetlejuice following her. He grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Hey, I apologized" Beetlejuice said. "Would it really hurt you to take a minute and make some friggin' small talk?"

Lydia was about to say something, but the crowd started to applaud. When the crowd's applauding died down, a gong sounded from the dining room, and the band started up. The crowd mainly dispersed into the dining hall, leaving only a few people listening to the band.

"Lydia, are you enjoying yourself dear?" Delia asked. She came up and smiled broadly at Lydia and Beetlejuice. "Did you hear about the school? Your father and I were going to tell you at Christmas. We were going to offer you a position teaching. You could stay in Winter River!" Delia looked at the handsome blonde man. "Who's this?"

"Delia, this is Ben Judge" Lydia said. "Ben, this is my step mother, Delia Deetz."

"Are you two going to dance?" Delia asked. "Lydia is a very good dancer."

"Delia" Lydia said wanting Delia to just leave.

"Oh Lydia, is that a roll?" Delia asked. "You can't dance with food in your hand, dear." Delia took the roll from Lydia and turned to the band. "Oh, Darren! Play me a mambo would you?"

The music abruptly changed and Delia pushed the two out on the main floor. Beetlejuice smirked. If there was one thing he could do, and not have to feign interest in, it was dancing.

"Looks like we're dancing" Beetlejuice said. Lydia was swept up into a mambo with the strange man before her. Ben Judge was not a bad dancer, Lydia admitted to herself.

"Sorry about Delia" Lydia said while they danced. "She's a real pain in the ass sometimes."

"Yeah, I bet" Beetlejuice said.

"So what's with the glasses?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice spun Lydia and answered when she came back to him.

"My eyes are a bit funny" Beetlejuice replied. It was true. If Lydia saw his green eyes, she'd recognize him. He was sure of it. They continued to dance until the song ended, all the while making small talk.

When they stopped and blonde pushed her way between them. Claire Brewster. Lydia's shoulders slumped a little, barely perceivable.

"I'll allow you to dance with me next" Claire said. She was in a tight red number and was adorned with diamonds. "I'm sure you could stand to have a real dance partner instead of Lydia Deetz."

"You're ugly" Beetlejuice said. Claire's face turned red, almost the color of her dress. She looked back at Lydia and finally stalked away. Lydia was stunned.

"No one just turns down Claire Brewster" Lydia said impressed. "I think you're the first."

"Let's just hope that mistletoe finds its way into her salad" Beetlejuice said.

"Yeah" Lydia breathed.


	4. The Enemy's House

Chapter 4: The Enemy's Home

Lydia and Beetlejuice spent dinner eating together in the farthest corner of the dining hall. They picked at their food and made fun of the strange, cheesy dresses that everyone was wearing.

"So, uh, are you planning on staying here all night?" Beetlejuice asked. He coughed when he realized that his voice had returned to its gravelly self. He sipped his drink and fixed it.

"Hopefully I'll die from boredom" Lydia said drolly. Beetlejuice smirked.

"Well, I don't think I'm going to stay much longer" Beetlejuice replied. "You can always leave with me if you want, if you need an excuse or something. I'm just going to go home and watch 'Suspiria'. You're welcome to join me."

"I love 'Suspiria'" Lydia said. "Gotta love ballet and witchcraft."

"I'll take that as a 'sure, I'll join you'" Beetlejuice replied. Lydia just smiled.

It hadn't been hard to leave the Christmas party. Delia had almost turned into Lydia's personal cheerleader. Claire had glared at Lydia since she had not been able to steal the handsome blonde man from her.

Lydia smirked. Ben had class if he turned down Claire. Lydia was surprised that the car Ben drove seemed old, but abnormally clean, especially after he pulled out a pocketful of Hershey's kisses that he had taken from the party and threw the wrappers over his shoulder.

"Do you mind if we stop by my place real quick?" Lydia asked. "I don't mind watching a movie in this dress, but I'd rather have pajamas or something."

"No problem, b—Lyds" Beetlejuice said. He nearly called her 'babes'. That would have blown everything out of the water. She smiled, apparently not noticing, and guided him to her parent's house.

"I'll be right back, unless you want to come inside" Lydia said when they stopped in the driveway.

"I'll wait here" Beetlejuice replied. She smiled and him and got out of the car. Beetlejuice watched her as she disappeared into the house. He watched the lights blink on inside the house and eventually blink off. "Christ. I'd love a beetle right now."

Lydia bounded from the house mere moments from leaving the car. She was wearing black sweatpants, a grey tank top, and her coat. Beetlejuice did a slight double-take. She looked so comfortable, yet she was still alluring. She got into the car.

"Okay" Lydia replied.

"Indeed" Beetlejuice said starting to pull out of the driveway.

Lydia was blown away by the apartment she was in. It was definitely cluttered, but in a good way. She could identify most of the strange items that were somehow hanging or nailed to the walls. There were shackles from the 18th Century, a photo of Harry Houdini, a matching pair of thumb screws, a dried alligator foot, a strange two-headed stuffed squirrel, a glove hung on the top mast of a wood ship that was bolted to the wall, posters for various odds and ends were posted everywhere, and a photo of Elvis hung near the television.

"Wow. You have some great things here" Lydia said. "Are those thumb screws?"

"Yeah" Beetlejuice said. He had changed when they arrived so he was now in pajamas. "You want to try them out?"

"No" Lydia said with a small laugh. Beetlejuice sat on his couch, which was an ugly yellow color, and was amused when Lydia sat next to him. "Where did you get all of this stuff?"

"Collected things from here and there" Beetlejuice replied. He looked over at the kitchen. "Want a drink or something?"

"Sure" Lydia said. Beetlejuice got up and disappeared into his kitchen.

"I have…uh…booze….something that once resembled juice…and mystery liquid" Beetlejuice called out. "Looks like I have some water and tang mix as well."

"Tang" Lydia called back.

"Comin' right up" Beetlejuice called from the kitchen.

Lydia shifted on the couch and heard a slight crumpling of paper. A piece of paper jutted up from under one of the cushions. Lydia moved and pulled the piece of paper out, then moved back to a comfortable position.

"Go ahead and get the movie started" Beetlejuice called out. Lydia opened the wadded up paper. There was a strange beetle-man with a sledge hammer to one side and the name 'Betelgeuce' avidly displayed three times on the other.

"Oh no" Lydia gasped. She looked up when she heard her host come back into the room. Ben's (Beetlejuice's) eyes narrowed and Lydia grew wide-eyed.

"I could have sworn I had gotten rid of all of those" Beetlejuice said. He set the drinks down, turning from Lydia only for a split second, and looked back at her with his usual features.

"Beetle--!" Lydia shrieked covering her own mouth. She was up and backing her way around the couch towards the door. "Stay away from me."

"C'mon babes, we were havin' a good time" Beetlejuice said. He reached down and scratched himself, sighing as if he'd been waiting all night to do so. "C'mon, c'mon. We have a movie t'watch."

"What do you want with me? Why won't you just leave me alone?" Lydia harshly said in a strange whispery shout. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes and sat down. He moved her glass of tang onto the coffee table and sipped his own. Lydia tried the doorknob, but even unlocked the door wouldn't budge. The television popped on and the movie started to play. "Let me go."

"Shut up. The movie's starting" Beetlejuice replied. Lydia moved to the one window in the room and tugged at it. It was bolted down. "Hey, you like popcorn?"

"Why can't I leave?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes at her manner. It's like a switch had been flipped and she was playing the role of the victim. Beetlejuice hated that.

"Popcorn? Yes or no?" Beetlejuice asked. "I'll totally leave it bug-free."

"What?" Lydia asked. She stood against the wall in some initial state of shock. She had had dreams all through high school and college about being trapped with Beetlejuice and the revenge he'd take out on her. She watched as he raised his hand and simply snapped. In a white flash of light she was sitting at the other end of the yellow couch with her tang in her hand.

"Babes, you need to chill out" Beetlejuice said. He glanced at the television and then back to her. "If I wanted to hurt you, I wouldn't have sat through that bullshit party, know what I mean? So ya don't gotta worry about nothing. I swear. Let's just watch the damn movie. Popcorn?"

"Popcorn?" Lydia repeated. She seemed to be collecting herself and she briefly nodded. With a snap an old wooden bowl was between the two, full of popcorn.


	5. Bone Soup

Chapter 5: Bone Soup

"…And then I completely annihilated that slimy twerp!" Beetlejuice exclaimed while recounting one of his past hauntings. He buffed his nails and rested his arm along the back of the couch. "Yep. Just another day's work, know what I mean?"

"Just for that you got paid five thousand dollars?" Lydia asked. 'Suspiria' had ended nearly an hour prior to the conversation and Lydia had become entranced by Beetlejuice's story. "It doesn't sound like it was that hard."

"You've never been a ghost" Beetlejuice said. "Things get awkward when you're more ectoplasm then anything else."

"If you're made up of mostly ectoplasm, then why can I touch you?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice smirked and immediately made the popcorn disappear.

"You want to touch me? I'm flattered" Beetlejuice said sliding next to Lydia. Lydia tried pushing him away. For her benefit he tilted away from her slightly. "C'mon, babes. C'mon, give me a kiss. Just one."

"No" Lydia said trying to keep him away.

"Just one. It won't hurt, I promise. C'mon" Beetlejuice said. A sudden knock on Beetlejuice's front door made him sit up. "Aw, Christ."

"Be-atlejoose! Are you home?" A French accent called from the other side of the door. There was more pounding.

"Not now Jacques!" Beetlejuice yelled back.

"Be-atlejoose, I 'ave somet'ing for you" Jacques yelled. Beetlejuice's shoulders slumped and he begrudgingly stood up.

"You have Delia, I have Jacques" Beetlejuice said in hushed tones to Lydia. Lydia slowly stood up as Beetlejuice opened the door. He tried to only stick his head out, but the door was shoved open and a skeleton walked in.

"I 'ave found you a few t'ings Be-atlejoose" Jacques said in a sing-song tone. He stopped when he saw Lydia. Beetlejuice shut the door and stood partially between Jacques and Lydia. "Who is dis?"

"Lydia, Jacques. Jacques, Lydia" Beetlejuice replied.

"It is a pleasure to meet you" Jacques replied. Lydia wasn't sure if she was appalled or curious about the walking skeleton who somehow wore shorts and a t-shirt.

"Nice to meet you too" Lydia said. Neither one of them moved to shake hands or perform any sort of greeting gesture. Lydia watched as the skeleton opened the bag that he had brought in. Jacques pulled out four dress shirts and a pair of expensive looking dress pants.

"I found all of dis on sale at d'shocking mall" Jacques replied. He held up the shirts. "Oui. Dey will all flatter you, make you look good."

"Uh, thanks there Jacques" Beetlejuice said. His lip twitched as the skeleton held a yellow shirt up. "Look, remember what I told you about shopping for me?"

"Oui" Jacques said.

"If you don't stop, I'll exorcise you myself. Got it?" Beetlejuice warned. Lydia had started to develop a smirk after watching the effeminate skeleton hold up the clothes to Beetlejuice.

"Oui, but you don't 'ave to get so mad, Be-atlejoose" Jacques replied. Jacques picked up his bag and headed for the door. "Keep de clothes. Nice meeting you, Laura."

"Lydia" Lydia corrected. Jacques gave a small 'hmph' and left the apartment. Once the skeleton was gone Lydia let out the laughter she had been holding in.

"Yeah, yeah. I only want the women, so I end up with one of the biggest queens living across from me" Beetlejuice grumbled. Beetlejuice plopped down in his usual recliner and looked at the shirts that were piled on the arm of the chair. "I get free clothes though."

"Why didn't you just use your ghost powers or whatever to just zap him out?" Lydia asked light heartedly.

"Not worth the juice, most of the time" Beetlejuice said. He held up a red shirt, then a dark purple one. He chucked the whole lot towards a door that Lydia could only assume led to his room. "Want to watch something else, babes? Maybe we can get that moment, which the bonehead wrecked, back."

"I'm actually getting pretty tired, Beej" Lydia said with a yawn. "Can't I just go home?"

Beetlejuice leaned forward and smirked. "I can't let ya go anywhere, babes. I might never see you again and wouldn't that just make you real fuckin' sad?" Beetlejuice was sitting next to Lydia before she knew he had moved. "Maybe we can work out a deal though."

"What kind of deal?" Lydia asked. She brought one knee up between her and Beetlejuice. "I mean, I have work I need to get done back home."

"You mean with all that film equipment? It's bullshit" Beetlejuice said. He propped an elbow on the back of the couch and gestured for Lydia to be quiet. "Look babes, you go to school for what? 10 years or some hellish amount of time. I'm telling you, it's nothing but bull. Look at me. I'm doing fine, completely fine, and I only had like four years of schooling."

"But you're disgusting!" Lydia groaned. She poked Beetlejuice on his collarbone, making him move back a little. "And, I've been going to school for almost 17 years! I have real job offers!" Lydia crossed her arms and turned away from Beetlejuice. "Besides, what would you know about it?"

"Whoa!" Beetlejuice said. "I might not be some bookworm, but at least I have life and afterlife experience. Counts more then you're dumb schooling."

"Whatever" Lydia said standing up. "You can't keep me here."

"I'll tell you what" Beetlejuice said standing up as well. He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, causing her to squirm a little. He bent his head so he could talk right into her ear. "I'll let you go home, but you get the honorable pleasure of being bound to me until we work something else out."

"What do you mean 'bound'?" Lydia asked. She tried to worm her way out of his grasp, but he didn't seem phased by her struggles.

"Well, it's not marriage, babes" Beetlejuice said in a disappointing tone. "It does mean that we get stuck with each other though."

"What's in it for you?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice swayed side to side as if he had music in his head.

"Oh not much. I can roam where you roam, I get to become a little more fleshy, and I get to travel to and fro" Beetlejuice replied. "You on the other hand also get to travel to and fro and you also get the awesome ability to call to me whenever you need me."

"It's not marriage though?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice smiled wolfishly.

"Nope. Not marriage" Beetlejuice replied. 'Only the next best thing' he thought.

"Fine. Get off of me. We'll be bound" Lydia said. Beetlejuice stepped away from her as she struggled with her arms. He gave her a large smile and watched as she gave a small shudder. "Just try not to bother me."

"Sure. No problem" Beetlejuice said. He sat on the edge of the sofa and snapped his fingers. A contract on a sheet of parchment appeared with a quill pen. Lydia eyed the parchment and glanced from it to Beetlejuice.

"I don't know if I want to do this" Lydia said. She wiped her palms against her legs and stepped up to the parchment.

"You sign, I sign, and that's how it's done" Beetlejuice replied.

"Do I get a copy of this contract?" Lydia asked picking up the quill.

"You want one?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia nodded, her expression quietly saying 'well duh'. "No problem, babes. You sign and I'll leave you a copy on your bed."

Taking a deep breath, Lydia reached out and signed her name. Beetlejuice took the quill and signed his name.

"Wait for it" Beetlejuice whispered. He shut his eyes tightly. A few seconds later Lydia knew why. Pain shot through her wrist and up her arm, it made her fingers curl, and she fell to her knees trying to sooth the pain. Beetlejuice grunted until the pain abruptly stopped.

"Wh-what was that?" Lydia asked. She moved her right arm up to see why her wrist had been painful. A strange runic symbol was clearly marked in black. "What is this?"

"A symbol for our binding" Beetlejuice said. He looked as if he had almost enjoyed the pain. He showed her his. "Don't know what it means or what it's called." He slid down so he was lying on his back, on the couch. "Go home, babes. Get some sleep."

"How am I supposed to go home?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice looked at her with awkwardly tired eyes. Dark bags were under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept for a week. "Are you okay?"

"Just go!" Beetlejuice snapped. He forced himself up and pointed to his bedroom door. "Go in there, tell the mirror where you want to go, and leave! Christ. I'll find you tomorrow or something."

Lydia looked at his bedroom door and at the ever increasingly tired looking ghost before her. She took half a step forward, half wanting to make sure that Beetlejuice was alright. His head snapped up. Lydia could almost smell electricity in the air. The room seemed to grow darker even though the lights never dimmed. Then, with a shriek from Lydia, she knew exactly why he was the ghost with the most.

"GET OUT!" Beetlejuice bellowed. Lydia wasted no time in backing up and running to his room, through the mirror, only to safely fall into her own bedroom.


	6. Christmas Eve

Chapter 6: Christmas Eve

It was Christmas Eve. Two nerve wracking days had passed for Lydia since she last saw Beetlejuice. The paint hadn't peeled, the sky was still its normal color, and hell had not yet frozen over. In fact, Lydia hadn't noticed anything weird, except for her two local resident ghosts who would sing Christmas carols off-key.

Lydia plopped down on the sofa in the attic creating a puff of dust. Adam was in the middle of replicating the large Christmas tree that had been placed downtown. Barbara was forever cleaning.

"Did you ever figure out what this binding thing is?" Lydia asked. Adam shrugged and looked up.

"Sorry, Lydia" Adam said. "I don't know anything about it and all that the handbook said was that if we became bound to make an appointment with Juno to make the binding invalid."

"The good thing though is that it can be undone" Barbara replied. Lydia had smuggled up Christmas decorations and lights at the request of her ghostly friends and Barbara was quickly putting them up. Lydia slumped a little at her friends' lack of information.

"If you guys hear anything about this, will you let me know?" Lydia asked. "I've been searching all over the internet and can't seem to find anything, except in terms of witchcraft."

"Lydia!" Evan screamed from the bottom of the attic stairs. "We're going shopping!"

The scream caused Barbara to hit her finger with a hammer and Adam nearly jumped out of his seat. Lydia just stood up.

"I guess that's my cue to leave" Lydia said. "I haven't done much shopping this Christmas."

"We'll see you later, dear" Adam said. Lydia gave them a small smile and left.

Tinny Christmas music blasted through the overly crowded mall. People pushed and shoved. Men were cranky, women were crazy, and kids ran around on sugar highs. Lydia groaned and hoped that the shopping trip would not last long. The Deetz' made their way to an empty corner.

"Can you believe all of this chaos?" Charles asked. "Look at these people."

"Charles, please" Delia said. The annual Christmas Eve trip to the mall was a Deetz tradition. In New York City it had been to Macy's. Since Winter River didn't have a mall, the Deetz' traveled to the larger town of South Horse. Delia dug into her purse and handed Lydia a hundred dollar bill. "Lydia, Charles, I want you to meet up with us right here in three hours. Okay?"

"Three hours?" Charles groaned. Delia looked at him as if he were crazy. "Fine. Okay, three hours."

"I have my cell phone with me" Lydia said dryly. "If I run into someone I know, I might leave early."

"Fine. Just make sure you call me. I have mine as well" Delia said.

"Mommy?" Evan said with a tug on her coat. "I don't want to shop with Lydia."

"You can shop with Mommy" Delia said. The boy beamed back at her. Lydia rolled her eyes and looked beyond her parents at the clutter of people.

"Ev, you want to go meet Santa?" Charles asked. The boy looked up at his father and looked to be really considering it.

"Can I meet him and have a milkshake?" Evan asked.

"Sure thing, kiddo" Charles said with almost a spring in his voice.

"Now Lydia" Delia started in. She pulled out a list of things from her purse. "Could I get you pick up a few items for me?"

"Maybe" Lydia said. Delia gave her a tiny smile and rushed into describing what she wanted. The list had four relative's names on it with corresponding gifts. This meant that Delia had only remembered this morning to get something for them. Lydia zoned out while Delia described something. She was trying to decide how to successfully get out of doing Delia's shopping when she caught someone wandering through the crowd. Lydia groaned. "What's he doing here?"

Delia stopped describing the things on her list and looked over her shoulder. Ben Judge was walking up to them. Delia smiled and took the list back from Lydia.

"Ben Judge. I'll let you two shop" Delia said. "Charles, can I get you to do a teeny-tiny bit of shopping for me?"

"Lyds!" Beetlejuice called as he approached the family. Charles smiled and took off towards the gourmet food and kitchen store, where samples were always available. Delia and Evan took off towards a very large toy store that was jam packed. Beetlejuice pulled a black video tape out of the pocket of his black trench coat and gave Lydia a huge smile. "Guess what I have here, babes. This is great. I'll tell ya. This is one of the funniest scares in a long time. Best part about it? The breathers were filming the whole time. C'mon, let's go watch it."

"BJ" Lydia said. "Where have you been? Last I saw you; you looked like you were sick or something."

"Nah. Nothin' to worry about, babes" Beetlejuice said. He flicked his blonde hair over a shoulder. He was wearing his red lens glasses again. Aside from them, he wore black dress pants and a half-way buttoned dress shirt. "We're bound now. It means that I had to give up a little power, just like you had to give up a little privacy. I'm fine now."

"I had to what?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice smirked.

"I can come and go when I please, but to be big and fleshy like I am, I need to be where you are" Beetlejuice said. Lydia did not look thrilled. "So, if I ever drop in and you're taking a shower, I won't be in the shower, but I will be in the bathroom. Catch me, babes?"

"Don't be showing up in my shower" Lydia said. They started to walk along the length of the mall. Lydia barely saw all of the things in the shop windows. It was always the same old stuff.

"Hey, you think I want you walking in on me when I have a hot date or something?" Beetlejuice asked. He gestured wildly with the video tape still in his hand. "No thanks. I mean, you're one hell of a creepy chick, don't get me wrong, babes, but I don't need you watching me get some action…unless you're into that type of thing."

"Gross" Lydia said. The two kept walking through the mall until Lydia found the shop that she DID want to visit. The Old Hag was a wiccan-based occult shop that had somehow managed to stay open in the middle of ultra-conservative Connecticut.

"Strange place for this sorta shop" Beetlejuice said. Lydia smirked and pulled him into the shop.

"Happy Christmas" The store clerk greeted. The clerk narrowed her eyes at Beetlejuice and turned back to her work. The little shop was decorated to look like it came straight out of a Victorian movie set. The walls were lined with books and trinkets, there was a small clothing rack towards the back, and near the counter was a wide variety of herbs and other things.

"What do you need here?" Beetlejuice asked.

"I don't know" Lydia said holding up a jar of chicken feet. "Need a foot?"

"Those are excellent in soup" Beetlejuice said with a smirk. Lydia put the jar down and went over to the bookshelf. "C'mon, Lyds. Let's go watch my tape."

"Just give me a second" Lydia said flipping through a couple of books. Beetlejuice moved around the shop, waiting. He looked at the supply of wands, an assortment of charms, the miscellaneous dried items that were displayed around the shop, and the selection of magical oils that were near the sales counter. He finally looked up when the clerk was ringing up Lydia's items.

"You done yet?" Beetlejuice asked. The clerk gave him a funny look once again and then looked at Lydia.

"Yeah, I'm done" Lydia replied. "Thank you. Merry Christmas."

"Have a good day" The clerk said.

Lydia sat on Beetlejuice's couch once again. Beetlejuice was back to his regular looking self which, surprisingly, made Lydia a little more comfortable. He was excitedly getting the tape ready and being a somewhat decent host. He sat down and pointed at the television.

The tape rolled, the television went from static to film. A couple appeared on the screen in the middle of 'things'. The girl was overly loud and the guy seemed unaware as they pumped away.

"This is a porn video!" Lydia said. She made to stand up, but Beetlejuice caught her arm, keeping her in place.

"I know, babes" Beetlejuice said. He smiled widely. "Here, watch this. Right there. See the mirror? Watch for it."

Lydia watched until she saw a small flicker in the mirror. Suddenly the naked guy screamed, pulled out of the naked woman, and nearly tripped over himself trying to get away. Beetlejuice howled with laughter. The woman on the tape turned and was yelling at people behind the camera. Beetlejuice was now roaring with laughter.

Lydia turned to Beetlejuice and didn't look overly impressed.

"Did you see that guy?!" Beetlejuice cackled. "Oh man! Babes! His face!"

"Real mature, Beej" Lydia said. She moved to get up, but Beetlejuice threw an arm around her shoulders. His face was a broad smile.

"You want to watch the movie up to this point?" He said with a wiggle in his eyebrow and a slightly serious tone.

"Not really" Lydia replied. She tried to look away from the cool ghost next to her since his face was only inches from hers.

"You sure?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia tried to push his arm off of her. "Could make for a real interesting night."

"Give it a rest" Lydia said. Beetlejuice gave her a little space and flipped the television to his usual Neitherworld station.

"So what're you doing tomorrow?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia's expression momentarily was one of confusion.

"What do you mean?" Lydia asked. "Tomorrow's Christmas."

"Oh yeah?" Beetlejuice said. He looked as normal as he could look while watching the television. "I thought that was coming up."

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Lydia asked. A sudden pang of concern throbbed in her chest. Being alone at Christmas was enough to drive people to do strange things. She knew. She had been there, done that.

"Well…I don't know" Beetlejuice replied with a shrug. "I just got a 20 year old bottle of whiskey. So, I'll probably have that."

"You don't have a place to go?" Lydia asked. Beetlejuice turned and looked at her, his eyes narrowing a bit. He hadn't had Christmas in almost fifteen years and even then it was only celebrated because of a ghoul-friend.

"Nope. No place to go on Christmas" Beetlejuice replied. He placed one arm along the back of the couch and faced Lydia. "Why? You want to see my pasty mug tomorrow?"

"Maybe Ben Judge could show up" Lydia suggested. "Just don't show up already drunk and remember that the Maitlands will probably be around."

"Maitlands sch-maitlands, babes" Beetlejuice replied. "What do those two losers know? They can't do anything to me."

"I'm just letting you know" Lydia replied. She checked her watch and stood up. "I need to get back." She looked at Beetlejuice, who looked like he was trying to decipher what she had said, as if she was trying to slip something past him. "Dinner's at 4pm. We usually eat a little early on Christmas. I'm sure that there will be others there since Delia's planning dinner."

"Yeah" Beetlejuice said. "Maybe I'll show up. Don't count on it though."

"Fine. Whatever" Lydia replied with a slight shake to her head. "Just don't show up drunk."

"You couldn't stop me if I did" Beetlejuice said focusing on the TV. Lydia rolled her eyes and wasted no time in leaving via mirror.

It wasn't until late that night that Lydia pulled out her new books from the occult shop. She had gone into The Old Hag looking for two specific books. She covered her mirror and acted quickly, as the books instructed. Beetlejuice was really going to get something this Christmas, whether he wanted it or not.

Lydia mixed calamus root, ground red pepper, slippery elm, acacia leaf, valerian root, and a strange grey powder called Bad Tongue. She quickly used a mortar and pestle to grind everything together into a fine powder. When she finished, she dumped the powder into a Ziploc bag and put it into a drawer. She quickly cleaned up her space, hoping that her ghost would not make an untimely appearance.

The powder was for a spell that would cause Beetlejuice to take his own words seriously. It was a simple spell, to make and to break. It would serve him right though. Lydia was positive of that. He had tried to marry her, now he was bound to her, and Lydia was sick of the come-ons. A little powder in a muffin or in his drink and he'd have to watch his tongue for the next couple of hours.

Lydia smiled and mentally patted her own back. He would get his.


	7. Christmas Morn

Chapter 7: Christmas Morn

Lydia's world shook violently. She couldn't stop it. Everything shook until it went black. Lydia's eyes fluttered and suddenly snapped open. Someone was shaking her shoulders. She turned and saw the culprit.

Beetlejuice was floating over her wearing nothing but his ratty old robe and a pair of beetle boxers.

"Hey babes" Beetlejuice said. "You awake?"

"Huh?" Lydia fumbled and looked at her clock. It was 3:45am. "What? What's the matter?"

"Babes, it's Christmas, right?" Beetlejuice asked. Lydia was barely awake. She gave a weak gesture towards Beetlejuice and turned onto her side.

"Go to sleep, its 3:45" Lydia mumbled. The ghost floated down next to her and was relieved when Lydia didn't immediately kick him out of her bed.

"This okay babes?" Beetlejuice asked. If Lydia had looked, she would have noticed his big grin, but she didn't. She made a noise that didn't sound like a 'no'.

------

Lydia awoke to the feeling of arms around her and her face pressed to someone's chest. She gasped and pushed herself up. Below her Beetlejuice was snoozing away. His arms were wrapped around her and she had been sleeping against his chest. Lydia narrowed her eyes, carefully slinking away from the bed.

Beetlejuice grumbled and then moved an arm over his head, but didn't wake up. In a panic, Lydia pulled her baggie of powder out of her drawer, took a large pinch of it and dropped it into Beetlejuice's open mouth. He smacked his lips together and continued sleeping.

Quietly, Lydia put the powder away and quietly moved to pull on her sweat pants. She pulled a robe on and watched the ghost sleep. When had he come to her last night? How long had they been asleep like that? She felt strange about it. She wasn't completely bothered by it, but she wasn't entirely okay with it either. He hadn't tried anything and she obviously didn't mind the company since she had cuddled right up to him.

"Wake up" Lydia said in a hushed voice. She shook Beetlejuice's foot. "Hey! Wake up!"

Beetlejuice snorted and turned onto his side.

"Beej!" Lydia said normally. She was used to people listening to her. Always the director, always in charge, never ignored and never by ghosts. Lydia crawled onto the bed and shook Beetlejuice's shoulder. "Hey! Wake up!"

"What?" Beetlejuice groaned. "What time is it? Noon? Give me…just give me one more hour."

"No! What are you doing in my bed?!" Lydia shrieked. Beetlejuice sat up, pushing Lydia back. He looked a little groggy, perhaps slightly confused.

"Did we have sex?" Beetlejuice asked with a yawn. He stretched his arms and then scratched his stomach.

"No!" Lydia gagged.

"Too bad" Beetlejuice grumbled. His hair was sticking every which way. Lydia jutted out her bottom lip. "I guess its okay though. That's probably something I'd remember."

"Great" Lydia grumbled. She climbed off the bed and started to go through her dresser drawers. "Look, you can't be here. You need to go back to your house."

"Bite me, Lyds" Beetlejuice grumbled. Before Lydia knew what she was doing, she had Beetlejuice's arm in her hands and uncontrollably bit him. "OW!"

"Sorry!" Lydia said dropping his arm. She quickly moved away from him, her jaw hanging open.

"What the hell?!" Beetlejuice shrieked. He stood up clutching his arm. "What was that for?!"

"I-I" Lydia spurted. Lydia backed up until she felt her desk hit her butt. "I didn't mean to."

"If you wanted me outta here, you could have just said something" Beetlejuice said. "You didn't have to get me so bent out of shape." Beetlejuice was instantly lifted off of the floor and his body contorted into strange shapes. "What's going on with me?"

"You should probably go home" Lydia said. The look on her face was a distortion of fright and concern.

"You'd better hope that I get this fixed" Beetlejuice said. He guided his malformed self through a mirror, disappearing into the Neitherworld. Once he was gone, Lydia let out the breath that she'd been holding.

"Oh my god" Lydia said softly. "What did I do?"

-----

Beetlejuice paced his living room, back in his normal form. It hadn't taken him long to get rid of the simple spell, but he was angry. Someone had to of slipped him some Bad Tongue powder and the only person he suspected was Lydia. His dark, macabre girl.

"That girl is going to pay" Beetlejuice said to himself.

-----

Lydia slipped into the shower before anyone could order her downstairs to open presents. The warm water hit her in the face and she turned so it danced across her back. She heard someone bang against the door and a muffled voice that sounded like Delia. Lydia groaned and reached for the shampoo.

"Are they always this annoying or is it just the right time of year?" Beetlejuice asked right outside of the shower curtain. Lydia gasped.

"Get out!" Lydia shrieked. The curtain was pushed back and Beetlejuice stuck his head into the shower. Lydia quickly bent and tried to cover herself, but Beetlejuice got an eyeful anyway.

"Shower time, huh?" Beetlejuice asked. In an instant Beetlejuice was in the shower with Lydia and grabbed the bar of soap.

"What are you doing?!" Lydia hissed. She grabbed the washcloth and tried to cover herself as much as she could.

"Soaping up" Beetlejuice replied. He turned his back to her, giving her a view of his ass.

"Get out!" Lydia hissed. Her mind told her that Delia was probably hearing this entire conversation. "I'm naked!"

"Yes, you are" Beetlejuice said shrewdly. He turned around and gave her a lecherous smile. "I am too, ya know."

"What's up with you?" Lydia asked. She let her hand, which was currently hiding her boobs, fall behind her. With a chuckle Beetlejuice leaned in. He wrapped his hands around Lydia's waist.

"You still have shampoo in your hair" Beetlejuice said with a smile. Lydia's hand found the shower control and quickly shoved the handle to cold. In an instant Beetlejuice was on the other end of the shower trying to avoid the icy water. "What the HELL Babes?!"

"Get out of here! What's the matter with you?!" Lydia asked. She turned the water back to warm and wrapped the shower curtain around herself.

"Lydia, is everything okay dear?" Charles called from the bathroom door.

"Everything's fine Dad!" Lydia called to him. She glared at Beetlejuice.

"Look, babes" Beetlejuice said stepping closer to her. "I don't appreciate fun little spells." He lifted her chin and pressed up against her plastic sheathed self. "Do it again and I'll do more than just shower with you. Got it?"

"Get out of my shower" Lydia said. Beetlejuice gave her a big smile.

"I have soap all over me" Beetlejuice replied. "Let me just rinse it off."

"Water is going all over the bathroom floor" Lydia groaned. Beetlejuice stood under the water and slowly rinsed the soap off. Lydia tried to keep her eyes off of Beetlejuice's body, but it was hard when the shower was so small.

When Beetlejuice was finished he looked Lydia up and down before simply vanishing.

------

As soon as Lydia finished her shower and slipped into a pair of black jeans and a red tank top, she was downstairs. She filled her coffee mug before moving to the living room where the rest of her family was. Evan had already started in on a large present. Delia looked overly happy. Charles had a strange smirk on his face that he usually got when he took one of Delia's pills.

"Lydia, are you feeling okay today?" Delia asked.

"Yeah, I'm good" Lydia said sitting on a recliner. Evan finished ripping off the paper of his current present and spewed out a bunch of thanks for the toy airplane set.

"We heard you in the bathroom yelling at someone" Delia said. She sipped at her own coffee and looked as if she expected an answer.

"I…was on my cell phone" Lydia said. "It rang right before I went to take a shower. Nothing too bad, just some simple film issues."

"It won't keep you from graduating will it?" Charles asked.

"Nope. I took care of it" Lydia said with a smile. Evan put his present aside and started to pass out various items. He shook a somewhat small present of Lydia's and the sound of glass hitting the box could be heard.

"Sounds fragile" Evan said before handing it to his sister. Lydia frowned at him and gently shook it to check for broken parts. It sounded fine.

"If you broke it, I'll break something of yours" Lydia growled. Evan let his face hang in an 'o' shape and he looked over at Delia.

"Lydia, its Christmas. Can't you be nice to Evan just once? He didn't do anything wrong" Delia said. Evan kept pushing presents to each person until the rest of presents were for people who would be showing up later. Lydia rolled her eyes and started in on her five presents.

As usual, Lydia found herself slightly pleased with the gifts, but mainly asking herself 'why did they even bother?'. The glass object had turned out to be a glass candelabrum in the shape of three moaning ghosts. The next present had been a yellow leather bound journal that had Lydia's name printed on it. Lydia had flinched at the color, but smiled just the same. She had received a strange pair of gloves and a matching scarf that Delia had made. Luckily it had been in grey and purple. Playing the part of the thrilled daughter, she threw the scarf on before refilling her mug.

"Oh wow!" Charles said. He had an open box on his lap and he pulled out a lamp that was in the shape of a pheasant. "This will look great in my office!"

"Oh Charles" Delia said. "When I saw it, I just knew you'd love it."

Lydia looked at her last two presents. One looked as if it were a pile of books and the other one looked like a pile of cds. Inwardly she groaned. She picked up the purple wrapped package and opened it. Three books, just like she had guessed. One was on the basics of filmmaking. The second was a biography of Teddy Roosevelt. The third was a leather bound collection of work by Shelley. At least this last book seems promising, Lydia thought.

"Oh Lydia, your father said that you really liked Teddy Roosevelt" Delia said with a big smile.

"Oh yeah. Love him" Lydia said with a fake smile. "Thanks."

"Your presents suck" Evan said. "At least I have toys."

"Shut up" Lydia said. She picked up her last present and opened it up, unenthused. When she saw the cds inside, she became more excited. "Who found these?"

"I found an old Christmas list of yours from a few years ago" Charles said. "I hope you don't have those."

"Dad, I love them!" Lydia said looking at the five cds in her lap. Her father had for once paid attention and went above and beyond. She had Aphex Twin, Christian Death, Sisters of Mercy, Nick Cave, and Tom Waits in her hands.

"Oh good" Charles said. He blew off her excitement as if she had expressed it for each present that she had gotten. Lydia finished her coffee and stood up with her things.

"I'm going to go put these things away" Lydia said. Her family just smiled and continued to open their things.

----

Lydia dumped the presents onto her desk and tore into the Tom Waits. She threw it into her stereo and laid down on her bed, awaiting his gravelly voice. Lydia took a deep breath and smelled a strange smell. She turned her head and smelled her sheets. It was the scent of Beetlejuice. She groaned and tried to turn her head away from the musty smell of dirt, sandalwood, and vanilla.

She sat up and looked over at her mirror. It was normal looking. She was a jumble of mixed feelings suddenly. She had been embarrassed in the shower, superficial while opening the presents, and she wasn't sure how she felt with Beetlejuice. Her mind screamed that he'd be over for dinner.

"Oh great" Lydia said falling back on her bed. She looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face. "Do I get him something?"

A glance at the clock said that it was just 9:00 am. She had until four to find a present. What did one get the ghost with the most?


	8. MidDay Crash

Chapter 8: Mid-Day Crash

Lydia had managed to escape the Deetz household by claiming that she wanted to pick up a special coffee for Christmas dinner. Delia had just smiled and had allowed the girl to leave.

Racing down the highway, not to South Horse, but to a slightly larger town called Holmstown. It was big enough to have some stranger stores located amongst its downtown shopping area, which was exactly where Lydia was heading. The weather had changed from just being cold and humid to cold and snowing.

"Great" Lydia said turning on the windshield wipers. A car sped by oblivious to the weather. Lydia wanted to turn back when she felt her car fishtail a tiny bit. "Just a little further Lydia."

----

Downtown Holmstown looked like it came off of a card. There were lights and decorations everywhere. People walked to and fro. A group of carolers sang in Christmas colors. Lydia wasted no time in parking. She was sick of driving on the icy roads.

Deciding that she had better calm herself, she ducked into a café and came out with a small coffee to go and a bag of the Christmas blend. The hot liquid was her saving grace. Without it she wouldn't have made it through school, family functions, or high stress situations. She walked down the street until she found the place that she was looking for. She almost did a dance when she found that it was open until noon.

The clothing shop sold unusual clothing, for the east coast anyway. Lydia went into the shop and started going through the men's clothing. She had gotten used to sizing people up since she usually had to help out whoever she had as her costumer for her film projects. Beetlejuice looked to have a 34-inch waist, a 38-inch chest, and probably a slightly shorter then average pants length. Lydia was guessing that a 32-inch inseam would work just fine.

"Can I help you today?" An old man asked. Lydia turned and smiled.

"I think I just found it" Lydia said pulling a suit off the rack. It was dark grey with lavender pin stripes. "Wow. This is great."

"I sold one other that was like it, but that's a rare suit" The old man said. "Look at the tag. It's part of a signature collection."

Lydia looked at the tag and blanched at the price. She put the tag back and held the suit from her face.

"I guess that would explain why it's so expensive" Lydia said. The old man came around and looked at the tag.

"Well it is Christmas" The old man said. "How about we knock a hundred dollars off?"

"Really?" Lydia said with a huge smile spreading across her face. $100 would make the suit 30 off. "That'd be great!"

Lydia quickly paid for the suit and a little extra to have it wrapped. Lydia felt relieved that she had found something so fast. She beamed at the old man as he handed her the package. Lydia had always prided herself on being able to find just the right thing for people, dead or alive.

------

Traffic had increased on the way back to Winter River. Lydia groaned. She only had five more exits until hers was up. Lights flickered ahead and Lydia felt her stomach drop when she finally realized what lie before her. Sound seemed to stop except for the swish of the windshield wipers. Lydia's foot had found the brake and her spine started to go rigid.

She let out a gasp and did the only thing she could think of before her car spun towards the multiple car pile up….

------

Beetlejuice was in the middle of watching 'General Morgue', one of his favorite soaps, when he heard Lydia's cry echo in his head. He smirked.

"Just can't get enough of me" Beetlejuice said. With a snap he disappeared from the Neitherworld and appeared in a car that was hurdling towards a big pile up on the highway outside of Winter River. "SHIT!"

Lydia just screamed, barely aware of the ghost's presence. Beetlejuice did the first thing he could think of and zapped Lydia and her vehicle to the Neitherworld. The car kept spinning until it jolted to a stop. Beetlejuice steadied himself simply by being himself, but Lydia's head slammed into her steering wheel right before her air bag exploded with a dull 'poof' sound, which slammed her back against the head rest.

"Babes?" Beetlejuice asked. He tore the airbag away and moved to look at Lydia. "Lyds? Hey, c'mon kid, wake up."

Lydia groaned. Her nose was a bloody mess and she had a knot on her forehead which was already sporting nice purple and yellow shades. Beetlejuice was opening her car door before he could really think about what he was doing. He undid her seat belt and fished her from the car.

"Lyds" Beetlejuice said. A small crowd was growing around the two. Beetlejuice simply allowed his eyes to glow, successfully scaring them away. The car had hit a lamp post and the front end was crunched into a 'v' shape. Lydia made a small noise and leaned towards him. "Great. Just great."

Beetlejuice looked at the car and noticed the present and the coffee. With a blink the items were back at the roadhouse, where his apartment was. With another blink, the car was parked outside of his place, and with a final blink, Beetlejuice and Lydia were inside his apartment.

Beetlejuice laid Lydia on his couch and tried to remember what living people did in situations like this. He had no choice.

-----

"'Ello?" Jacques said answering his door. The skeleton looked as if he were having some kind of party. Beetlejuice groaned and pulled the skeleton into the hallway between their apartments. "Be-atle-joose?"

"Jacques, listen, I need some help buddy" Beetlejuice said. "It's Lydia. C'mon." Beetlejuice dragged Jacques into his apartment. "Look at her. What do I do? Mouth to mouth?"

"Mon dieu! What did you do?" Jacques asked.

"Me?! I didn't do nothing" Beetlejuice said floating above Lydia as Jacques leaned over to check her out. "She came to me like this."

"I thought ze great Be-atlejoose left no survivors" Jacques said after feeling Lydia's pulse.

"You kiddin' me?" Beetlejuice said. Jacques held up his finger bones, which had some of Lydia's blood on them.

"I believe ze last time zere was blood around I was alive" Jacques replied. After a few minutes of Jacques poking and proding about, he turned to Beetlejuice. "She has a bloody nose, half of 'er face is bruised, and I bet zat she will 'ave a huge headache."

"So…nothin's broken?" Beetlejuice asked.

"Your friend is fine, except" Jacques said standing up and looking at where his nails had once been. "She is alive."

"Tell about my fleshy friend and I'll feed you bone by bone to a sandworm" Beetlejuice threatened. Jacques gave him a solid 'hmph' and crossed his arms. He glanced at the girl and nodded.

"Only for her" Jacques said. "Since you have brought 'er around you 'ave been tolerable to live next to."

"Thanks, bone brain" Beetlejuice said. He gestured with his thumb. "Now get out."

"Merry Christmas to you too" Jacques said before leaving. As soon as Jacques left, Beetlejuice was sitting next to Lydia.

"Lyds?" Beetlejuice asked. "C'mon, babes, wake up for BJ." He smirked and cracked his neck. Gently, almost suavely, he bent down and kissed Lydia. He pulled away when he didn't feel her respond. "Guess I ain't Prince Charming."

R&R!!!!! I love comments. It makes me write more faster!


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